Hoffman's Playland, Dairy Freeze Mini Dogs, The Hate Coaster of Pain, and Other Things

This post is mostly intended as a nostalgia fest for those lucky 'uns who have been reared in the greater Capial Region environs. I don't believe outlanders will ever truly be able to comprehend to what depths memories of Hoffman's Playland have sunk into our murky souls. Hoffman's was the local destination for fun when your parents really didn't feel like putting in the drive time or plunking down the entrance fee for Great Escape (Storyland, double nostalgia booyah for your face! Suck it Six Flags, you ruin everything.)

If you don't know, Hoffman's is a small (2 acres prob.) "amusement park" of sorts located in Latham. There is no entrance fee, you just buy yourself a fist full of tickets and you are good to go.



The wife and I were out in that direction, so we decided to bring the ever growing Giblet to the Playland to stroll about a bit. Hoffman's has a standard smattering of small, county fair type rides mostly oriented towards your 3 to 6 crowd so the Gibble-meister is a little young. But I think I mostly wanted to go to revel in the past a little anyhow. So, here are some observations (of both the park and some nearby hotdogs).

Being adventurous from a young age, I was always a Scrambler man.



Now I will give it to Hoffman's, I have there many good memories of time shared with me sister and Ma'. The place might as well have been Disney World for all I knew at the time. But there was one attraction that left me shivering in fear. Of course, if you ever visited as a child you will know of what I am speaking.



I speak of the "Roller Coaster," it doesn't even have a name! Its fearsome reputation precedes it making flashy names unnecessary. I prefer to refer to this instrument of torture as the Pain Coaster, Hate Coaster, or the Multiple Blows to your Developing Kidneys Coaster. This "ride" was a minute or two of pure, bowel jarring pain accompanied by horrifying sounds of the the creaky construction and screams of other children. I probably haven't been to Hoffman's in 20 years and I didn't ask anybody, but the coaster looked the same as always to me. It was like meeting an old nemesis, I nodded with respect but pulled by daughter close while walking by (she will never ride the old bastard while my blood is warm).

Anyhow, *shudder*, moving on. They opened a Bettie's Cakes next to the Subway at Hoffman's.



It looks like very much like the Saratoga Location, but I fear that the precious cakes might not fair well with the Hoffman's set. We shall see.

Aside from Giblet momentarily fearing being eaten by Humpty Dumpty (with his big creepy upper lip),



we really had a very good bit of family fun. I keep getting all philosophical about young Giblet occupying the same places in space as I did as a child, but that is a discussion for some future rainy day. Anyhow, on to the hot dog oriented blathering. We worked up quite the appetite and decided to mosey over to the adjacent Dairy Freeze for some hot dogs.



Dairy Freeze is your fairly standard (for the area) hot dog/burgers/ice cream/shakes type joint a la Tastee Freeze or Kurver Kreme.



I saw that they had our famous Capital Region mini-dogs and, of course, was honor bound to partake. I got 3 mini dogs with meat sauce and the Missus got 1 "regular" dog. I put regular in quotes as we came to find out that the hot dog meter at Dairy Freeze has two settings, mini and jumbo.



I couldn't figure out the provenance of the mini dogs utilized by Dairy Freeze, they could be Helmbold's, I am not sure.



The little guys came in cut in half normal sized hot dog buns which made me laugh because I just wrote my last post on the availability of mini hot dog buns.



I was not a fan of the meat sauce, it needed a little zip or zest or some other nonsensical food adjective. The Dairy Freeze sauce is a fairly nondescript affair of ground beef and onions simmered in a thin broth. No tomatos which is good, but not enough spice for my tastes. As you know, I am a bonafide Hot Dog Charlie's sauce man myself. But after a few hours at Hoffman's with my beloved little maniac three of these guys more than hit the spot.

As for the wife's selection, I had to make a couple crude and obvious jokes about her wurst before taking pity on her little pregnant heart. I chopped the thing in half lengthwise so that it was a little easier for her to handle. I ate the other half like a boss.



I will say that they Dairy Freeze does a mighty fine chocolate milk shake and the small size is nigh large enough to choke a donkey.

All in all I heartily recommend that everyone who as never been (young 'uns or not) should make a pilgrimage to Latham and visit old Hoffman's, it is a veritable institution in this nook of Upstate America.

Capital Region Style Hot Dog Sized Buns!

I picked these up over at the Hannaford's on Deleware this afternoon. Rejoice local hot dog consumers! No longer shall you have to cut Freihofer's buns in half when you partake in a diminutive dog (here is one of many posts I have penned on the subject).

If you don't know, here in the Capital Region of NY we take our dogs about 3" long with meat sauce, mustard, and onions. Famous Lunch and Charlie's are two local institutions who are pioneers on this front, I won't get too much into the lore of the dinky dog right now. For home consumption the requisite small dogs have been available at Rolf's Pork Store and are distributed by Helmbold's to many local grocers. They look like this.



Or from Rolf's, like this.



So anyhow, finding the dogs, no problem. Finding the proper buns was always sort of a hassel. Until now!



These buns are "distributed" by Helmbold's, I am assuming they are actually produced by one local baker or another. My hypothesis is that they are the same buns utilized by Famous Lunch, but I could be wrong. They are of the denser crumbed, more substantial type of hot dog bun that Famous lunch favors as opposed to the pillowy softness of a Charlie's bun (or a Freihofer's for that matter). They kind of remind me of a miniature hoagie roll to tell you the truth.



As with Famous', these guys have cornmeal on the bottom.



Kudos to Helmbold's (Old World Provision) for filling this gaping hole in my life. I bought two giant sacks and froze a bunch. I think the price was 3.88$ for about 20 rolls. As of now I have only seen them at Hannaford's which I generally never go to. I haven't been to P-Chopistan in a week, I will let you know if I see them there.

Politics? On a Food Blog. Apparently you have not received the memo entitled "Mr. Dave Does What he Wants"

Gay Marriage passed in the NY State Senate last night. The only thing upsetting about this is that the majority of the representatives that voted No are from Upstate America. As my humble musings on this forum generally heep praise on our glorious nook of the world, this gives me pause to ponder. I guess that a byproduct of the old timey charm and working class glory of the region are vestiges of a brand of social conservatism that unsettles me.

I am ever the optimist. I believe that the true nature of younger Upstate Americans is to let all live as they please. I believe that this will shine through in the coming years and the passing of legislation like this is a harbinger of things to come. I think it is important that we always remember that the country (and the world) are watching our fair state. Upstate NY (not just LI, NYC, and the Southern Counties) should always put its toes on the compassionate and just side of line.

Anyhow, now some levity.

Firstly I believe there shall be a great increase in the use of the word "Trousseau" because it is a good word and it is fancy.



Secondly, will "Bromarriages" happen? I am imagining two died in the wool Brosephers hearing this news in a SUNY dorm somewhere, dropping their MGDs, and revealing their love to the world. Hugging it out and letting their popped salmon collars intertwine, becoming as one.

Faux Buffalo (Semi-Regular Fast/Junk Food Commentary)

So McDonald's has rolled out some new McNugget "dippin'" sauce flavors (as if you have somehow managed to escape the extremely lame television ad campaign). I believe this started some time ago with the "Sweet Chili Sauce" (click for my review), which I actually sort of enjoyed. Of real interest to me out of the newer sauces is the "Spicy Buffalo" sauce.

Although inhabitants of Buffalo would heartily disagree I include their fair city under the category of Upstate NY (Upstate America). A food item claiming provenance to a location in my area of interest did not go unnoticed. "Buffalo" flavored things are almost universally bad, so I did not have high hopes for the tiny tub of sauce. Here she is de-foiled.



It kind of looked like some sort of clown paint to me. I like my Buffalo sauce to be a little of an angrier shade of red. The ingredients list beet juice (for color). I think they need to use a little more beet juice or something. Anyhow, I did not want to use a McNugget to taste test here because it is a fact that McNuggets are delicious and shall increase the inherent level of goodness of anything that they touch (be it animal, vegetable or mineral). This is universally known and understood. So in went the finger.



Color me shocked. The stuff had an agressive level of spice/heat, a phenomena which also occurs with the sweet chili sauce. This level of heat would make a spicy food civilian (like my Ma for instance) down right sweaty and uncomfortable. A definite step away from the safe, bland, oily comfort zone of flavors within which MacD's generally swims. The flavor was spicy with a vinegar tang, kind of good except there was a strange mouthfeel and some sort of under-funk that I can not put my finger on. I think a Quarter Pounder with blue cheese and this crap might sell like hot cakes. If they put that on the menu now, you are my witnesses.

Here is the kicker though. I detected no discernable hint of sweetness in the Buffalo sauce, nor did I see corn syrup in the list of ingredients. Didn't Morgan Spurlock have some quote in Supersize Me about every McD item having corn syrup in it?

I have a sort of loathe/love relationship with McDonald's. There exist in my addled mind some pleasant childhood taste memories that I will always sort of treasure (McRib I'm looking at you), but I also try to avoid the place as much as I can. I am not above saying when I think that the chain is taking a step in the right direction and I think this stuff signals their willingness to experiment with some more agressive flavors.

****BONUS FAUX BUFFALO CRAP SNACK REVIEW*****



Coincidentally, I spied these at the store this very same evening. Thought it fitting to inflict these on my gut while I was at it (for Science!). Here we have "Buffalo Blue Cheese Pretzel" Combos. To tell you the truth, a pretzel/blue cheese hybrid sounds like a pretty good idea to me if done well. These are not done well. They taste pretty much like I remember any other "cheese" type combo, i.e. salty and fake-cheesy. No real blue cheese taste, maybe a hint of vinegar for the "Buffalo" thing. I kind of wanted to wipe off my tongue after eating one.

So I dipped it in the McDonald's sauce, here is proof.



So fair Buffalo, sleep well in the assurance that no corporate food scientist can properly steal your eponymous sauce. These two products are but pale imitations. It is encouraging, however, to see the name of a city in Upstate (Western) NY plastered all over a tiny sauce bucket that will be produced by the millions and distributed from coast to coast (and perhaps internationally). Just another harbinger of Upstate America's future global hegemony.

A Gallery of Stewart's Signage

If there ever has ever been an institution that more thoroughly exemplifies all that is good and weird about Upstate America (I have stolen this term from CapCon, I think), then it is Stewart's Shops. I just threw together a few pictures of signs that I have spied in the past couple of years. Why? Because they make me laugh because they are so humorous in that earnest, honest and unintended way that only Stewart's can pull off.



I had to resist the urge to ask a maroon clad Sultan of Shakes or Duke of Deli dogs to moo for me. That might have been a bit rude.



So stop your bitchin'!



Fresh and ready! With the freshest, weird, circle bacon that money can buy!



Notice that you can store your milk card right next to the condoms.



"75% larger than McDonald's." They called in fish sandwich experts from NASA to do the calculations. By the way, I was once contacted by Stewart's in regards to testing their new fishy delight. I politely declined, and by politely declined I mean that I didn't answer the emails.



"Fixin's"? There should be no apostrophe, but I forgive them their grammar. I picture eating hot dogs with a guy named Fixin.



Booyah other brands of milk! You can suck it.



Every shopette should have a magical, ever-growing water snake named Kyle.



I was actually impressed with this coup. Other ice cream brands, you can suck it too!

Anyhow, go to Stewart's and basque in all of the maroon glory and buy some deli dogs. It is good for the soul.

A Fanboy Father's Father's Day Present (To Himself)

Einstein's theorems? A man on the moon? What is Mankind's greatest achievement? Chop Sabre's I say! That is right, I love Star Wars and I don't care if it has become a sort of nerd-chice cliche. I still get excited by Old Man Lucas' unending torrent of merch. So I shelled out the 15 or so smackers the minute I learned of the chopsabre's existence (I believe I first saw them on ThinkGeek). The thought of eating up some Chinese with the chop sabres all of the while making lightsabre noise left me plum tickled.

Aside from the red and green (sith and jedi) chop sabres, you get 2 cunning little chop sabre rests.



BB-ZSHOOOO! VVVVVVVVVVVV...VVVVVVVVVVVV...VVVMMMM!!! KSCHHHHHHHHHH!!! KSCHHHHHHHHHH!!! (this is my text based representation of a heated lightsabre duel). Should you see a gent making these noises whilst eating at Ala Shanghai there is an exceedingly high probability that it is me.



Anyhow, after unwrapping my treasure I looked down at my t-shirt...



That's right, a grown man was sitting in his kitchen (giggling like a child) and unwrapping a pair of chop sabres while wearing a Boba Fett t-shirt (not planned, purely coincidental). Mrs. Dave is a very lucky woman...

3 Chlli Peppers? That Don't Scare Me None.

After a fairly long interlude between visits, I finally got over to Ala Shanghai in Latham this afternoon for lunch. I noticed that the menu looked different and seemed to have a few new items, so I decided to veer from my usual favorites (MaPo Tofu and a couple others) and try something new.

If I remember correctly the old menu had a simple "spicy or not spicy" system, but now we have a more in depth 3 chili pepper scale. Can you guess how I made my decision as to what to order? That is right folks, I flipped through the menu until I found one of the (very few) 3 chili pepper items and ordered that.

The dish in question was "Sliced Beef in Spicy Broth" (the description goes- sliced beef with chinese cabbage and vermicelli in Szechuan style chili broth). When I ordered this the thoughtful waiter informed me that this dish, was in fact, quite spicy. I read between the lines and got the "too spicy for your American taste buds" message, but decided to persevere. I have come to expect and enjoy these little warnings. Other warnings have included: a reminder that the spicy jumbo shrimp still have their heads on, that I should not order a noodle and a rice dish at once, and on one occasion the waiter even flat out told a few friends and I that we had ordered too much food. All very endearing.

Anyhow, what arrived was the above pictured steaming bowl of fiery red goodness. Just look at the angry color of the thing, all glisten-y with fiery oil and be-speckled with chilis. The dish was composed of a hearty pile of rice vermicelli with Napa cabbage and a generous heap of sliced beef, all floating in a delicious, spicy broth. Very spicy, but not painfully so (I have a pretty high tolerance for spicy pain). This dish will definitely go into my Ala Shanghai rotation and was thoroughly enjoyable.

Eating the lion's share of the giant bowl of fiery meat and noodles, along with consuming an entire order of bok choy and mushrooms all by myself threw me into a rare 2 hour food nap when I got home. You know, everyone makes much of Ala Shanghai, and I think the reputation is deserved. I have never been disappointed after a meal there and the place is quickly becoming one of my favorite casual restaurants. Go to Ala Shanghai so they may prosper (and so I can continue to gorge myself for years to come).

There is no time for blogging.

Where does all of the time go?