Chocolate Twinkie? That'll Go Over About as Well as a Fart in Church...

Chocolate Twinkies? Come on Hostess, what are you thinking? There are certain iconic brands out there that you just don't trifle with and the Twinkie is one of them. This makes about as much sense to me as if Charmin was like, "I've got an idea! Two ply, but with sand paper!"

Not that I really eat enough Twinkies (read none) to care, but when I passed this in the aisle I sensed a glitch in the matrix and had to buy. I loudly exclaimed "Wuh-what? Chocolate Twinkies?" and a passing lady parroted my exclamation, got a transfixed look about the eyes, and grabbed up a box. That's a true story you can ask the Wife, so maybe my hypothesis about how the things (abomination) aren't going to sell is not quite right.

First of all look at the close up of the weird little Twinkie wrangler guy riding on the choco-Twinkie. I am going to leave the sexual innuendo to your own dirty little mind. But come on, that Twinkie is about as ugly as a hat full o' assholes. I promised the Wife no more poopy jokes on the blog, so I will stop there.

There is just something about turning over something that you have seen a million times in life, and then all of a sudden, it is different. There is a strange zen in the three pearly white cream filling insertion nodes on the underside of a normal Twinkie. The choco-filling holes just look like scabs or something.

There she is folks, the innards. How appetizing is that? I took a bite and the faintest hint of fake chocolate flavor hit me taste buds before the flavor degraded into cloying sweetness. So other than a whiff of cocoa and an unappetizing brown color, you basically have you standard, off the shelf Twinkie experience.

Needless to say, I tweren't impressed. I promise that this will be the first and last Twinkie-centric post of all time. But as I have told you, I fancy myself something of an American food anthropologist. When an iconic item (for good or for bad) like a Twinkie gets altered, I feel I have to weigh in.  For Science!