I was in the grocery store a couple weeks ago when I spotted this gem, the Phillips' Seafood Brand Crab Pretzel in the frozen seafood section. If you are perplexed by the zany title of this post see here- Crab People, for my dated Southpark reference. I thought that the Crab Pretzel concept was sufficiently strange to share, so I bought it and baked it up last night.
There are two things of note on the back of the crab pretzel box. First, is the creepy picture of a couple of members of the Phillips family waving a couple crabs around with maniacal smiles. The second thing is the absolutely horrid nutritional values of this thing. 12 grams of saturated fat and 580 calories in this bad boy. Somehow they squeezed a good amount of fiber into the thing, so you will have some poopin' to do later.
The uncooked pretzel was kind of strange looking, very unpretzel like. It looked kind of like a frozen cinnamon bun only with cheese instead of frosting. There was no definitive pretzel shape, I figured that once the cheese melted into the crannies it would assume a more pretzel-esque form. The thing went into the oven at 350 for a half of an hour.
This is the result. A mound of pretzel and crab. It did not, as I had predicted, morph into anything approaching the nice pretzel shape on the box. A strong melted cream cheese smell wafted off of the crab pretzel. I chopped it in half to get a look at the insides. I was surprised at the sheer doughiness of the pretzel component, it was a least 2 inches high. The topping looked to me like nothing more than a cream cheese amalgam with cheap melted american/cheddar processed cheese food. I did not see even one shred of recognizable crab meat. I took a hesitant bite, and folks, it was not good. Have you ever had some of the cheaper Japanese products that advertise themselves as "seafood" flavored? Cheap shrimp crackers would be a good example. They have that vaguely rotten, fake seafood flavor. This is what the crab pretzel reminded me of. It seemed as if, rather than crab meat, some nasty crab essence was added to the cheese mixture. As much as I hate wasting food I had to toss the rest of this thing, it tasted spoiled to me. Needless to say I will not be purchasing this particular delicacy of the deep again. However, I do admire the idea of seafood slapped on a soft pretzel, there is something uniquely American about the concept.
Mr. Dave,
ReplyDeleteThank you, thank you, thank you for saving me from purchasing said product. I too have seen it in the market and contemplated buying it numerous occaisions.
It would be interesting to construct what we are desiring...either buying a frozen super pretzel and making the topping from crab meat and cheese,....hmmmm...sounds like my next experiment...wonder how a seafood combo would be...take defrosted baby shrimp...crab...perhaps mix a bit of mayo or sour cream to hold it together...some sauteed diced onion...maybe dill...and top with a mild cheese...but I think cook the pretzel first...then add the seafood topping...bake or broil...then top with cheese and broil.....what do you think?
I agree that the "Crab Pretzel" concept is a pretty good idea. What you describe sounds very good, I was thinking that if I made it myself, I would maybe slice a soft pretzel in half. I think one of the main problems with the Phillips' version is that it is too doughy. For the topping I might go along the lines of a traditional cracker crumb crabcake kind of thing topped with some good cheddar.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, I forgot- your idea to cook the pretzel first is right on, I don't think a mushy crab pretzel will ever be any good.
ReplyDeleteThose are common in Baltimore, at least (almost every restaurant has them, including Phillips). The restaurant version is delicioussssssss but will make you poop like nothing else ever.
ReplyDeletehey Anonymous...thank you for sharing that last comment...Mr. Dave, I can also see mixing in some sauteed chiles into the the mix of crab...etc....mmmmmmm....let us know if you decide to try this endeavor on your own.
ReplyDeleteTastefully yours,
llcwine
I have had one of these before from an actual Phillips' Seafood place in the Maryland House rest stop. I have to say, it wasn't as exciting as I wanted it to be but it wasn't inedible either. It was way too expensive though. That's what you get for eating at a rest stop though, overpriced meh.
ReplyDeleteThat is one of my favorite episodes ever. Now I really want a soft pretzel!
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