Saturday, December 13, 2008
Crab Pretzel, Crab Pretzel. Looks Like Crab, Tastes Like Pretzel.
I was in the grocery store a couple weeks ago when I spotted this gem, the Phillips' Seafood Brand Crab Pretzel in the frozen seafood section. If you are perplexed by the zany title of this post see here- Crab People, for my dated Southpark reference. I thought that the Crab Pretzel concept was sufficiently strange to share, so I bought it and baked it up last night.
There are two things of note on the back of the crab pretzel box. First, is the creepy picture of a couple of members of the Phillips family waving a couple crabs around with maniacal smiles. The second thing is the absolutely horrid nutritional values of this thing. 12 grams of saturated fat and 580 calories in this bad boy. Somehow they squeezed a good amount of fiber into the thing, so you will have some poopin' to do later.
The uncooked pretzel was kind of strange looking, very unpretzel like. It looked kind of like a frozen cinnamon bun only with cheese instead of frosting. There was no definitive pretzel shape, I figured that once the cheese melted into the crannies it would assume a more pretzel-esque form. The thing went into the oven at 350 for a half of an hour.
This is the result. A mound of pretzel and crab. It did not, as I had predicted, morph into anything approaching the nice pretzel shape on the box. A strong melted cream cheese smell wafted off of the crab pretzel. I chopped it in half to get a look at the insides. I was surprised at the sheer doughiness of the pretzel component, it was a least 2 inches high. The topping looked to me like nothing more than a cream cheese amalgam with cheap melted american/cheddar processed cheese food. I did not see even one shred of recognizable crab meat. I took a hesitant bite, and folks, it was not good. Have you ever had some of the cheaper Japanese products that advertise themselves as "seafood" flavored? Cheap shrimp crackers would be a good example. They have that vaguely rotten, fake seafood flavor. This is what the crab pretzel reminded me of. It seemed as if, rather than crab meat, some nasty crab essence was added to the cheese mixture. As much as I hate wasting food I had to toss the rest of this thing, it tasted spoiled to me. Needless to say I will not be purchasing this particular delicacy of the deep again. However, I do admire the idea of seafood slapped on a soft pretzel, there is something uniquely American about the concept.